scribbles....

so. i've been thinkin about love and all of that...and i only have a few minutes so i'm just going to scratch down what i can for now :)
i'm about to marry (in about 4 months) a man of integrity, wisdom, creativity, and full of a soul beauty that is nearly indescribable. i'm very blessed by the gift of him in my life. he challenges me, encourages me, supports me, and is even patient with ME! haha.. strong fella...
so naturally with all of this happening it really causes me to reflect on what i think love is and how i show it.
i refer back to the classic 1 corinthians 13 passage often as a measuring stick for how i'm doing when it comes to loving others.. i fall short every time! i'll have one or two things on there checked off but for the most part this manifestion of love is something i aspire to. lust is so much easier! but where is the reward in that? with lust there is little to no involvement of the heart and it goes against everything that love is made up of. lust is self-seeking and murderous to everyone involved, while love is selfless and life giving. lust is the path of least resistance and it leads to emptiness and decay. love brings you into wholeness and meaning through a process of purification that brings out your true beautiful self. and the true beautiful selves of the people you are loving.
Jesus asks us to lay down our lives for others, but i don't think he always means this in a literal sense. if we had to jump in front of a bus for someone, we would die and some newspaper would probably glorify us and it would be done. BUT in the sense that i think Jesus actually means this, it is a much more difficult thing he asks of us. i believe he is asking us to lay down our lives for others while we still live. to put aside our self-seeking attitudes and put the interest of others ahead of our own. we have to make the choice to go against our selfish nature and act out of character by putting others first. not just putting them first in theory or in thought but in action.
our privilege to be able to love others, particularly love one person in the intimate marriage relationship is a little slice of heaven here on earth. its a small personification of a bigger, more heavenly picture. it parallels so easily with relationship with Jesus, and i think thats the point.
marriage is not for everyone, but somewhat contradictory to what Paul says, i think that those who are called to the ministry of marriage are so blessed! they learn a side of daily sacrificial love that is by no means easy but is so rewarding!
to learn how to bring my bitterness, my self interest, my pride.. and pile it on top of an alter to be burned in sacrifice is so hard but there's no other way i would want to do it. and i know i have a whole lot more sacrificing to do and it will be a daily choice, and i wont always make the right one. but this whole process excites me :)
anyway... i have a plane to catch.