Bambi's mama

I won't go into all the details of my life over the last three years because there are A LOT! haha.. but we can get re-acquianted starting with where I'm at today...

So much has happened in the last couple weeks and I feel like I haven’t had the time to allow it to catch up with me, I’ve only been moving with momentum. Inside my skin there is a confusing combination of sturdy walls of peace and turbulent waves of anxiety. The waves relentlessly crash upon the walls in efforts to knock them down, but sturdy they remain.
recently..after I found out about some questionable activities that were going on at my place of residence I really felt like God was asking me to GET OUT of there. It was a really hard thing for me to do. I was friends with my roommate who is not a believer and over the last 7 months of living together she had mentioned numerous times that if it was God in me that made me obviously different from others then she wanted to know who this God person was. It seemed God was using me to be a bit of a beacon in her life, unbeknown to me. That was a huge encouragement, and a huge responsibility. It acted as a form of accountability for me in the way I chose to live my life. It also was heavy in the sense that I had to maintain this pedestal standard she had placed me on. I am not pedestal material! None of us are. The only reason we are any different is because of the grace of God, and the value he puts on our lives. It is nothing we can measure up to on our own strength. The only good she saw in me was because of what Jesus was doing in and through me. I only hope that she knew how to make that distinction. So after finding out some things that were going on at my place, I stood right in the vortex of a moral dilemma. Torn between my fear of ruining the witness I had established within this friendship, and what I felt was obedience to leave. To know that God knows best and to still choose disobedience is really rather unintelligent and not worth the risk.
So i prayed. I prayed for days that if moving out was the right thing to do that God would allow it to go smoothly. so, when I told my roomie that i was thinking of moving out (based on the circumstances) of course i expected her to be very receptive and understanding. this actually was not the result. Things got pretty angry and uncomfortable at my house. this was really painful for me. So i started to doubt that i was making the right choice. Then Thursday night a very good, very amazing friend called me to see how I was doing. Through sporadic tears I filled her in on what was going on at home..and within half an hour she was at my house and within two hours she had all of my stuff moved out of my place and into hers. I guess God's definition of "smooth" is quite a bit different than mine...

So now here I am out on an open range, fully exposed and raw, a perfect target of attack. Much like Bambi’s mother. Only my hunters are mostly of the hungry spiritual variety, not the hungry human kind.. and I'm not going to die :)